This past week I spoke in San Diego with the actress from October Baby, Shari Rigby, who plays the part of the birth mother. I sat there in awe as we watched her give a sincere speech about her life- she had a child at 17 years old, had a difficult first marriage, found herself pregnant again and made the decision to have an abortion…and finally found the love of her life, had her 2nd child and gave her life to follow Christ. Her testimony was an amazing story of how God will bless us when we choose to put our trust in Him regardless of our past. She has found forgiveness, healing and a life of redemption in the past several years through her marriage, her family and her career as an actor/director, especially in her latest movie October Baby where she found true healing from her past abortion.
As she finished speaking and I prepared myself to speak…I found myself in awe. She was not ashamed. She sincerely and somewhat nervously told the story of her life– things that were difficult to share as I saw tears in her eyes throughout most of her 30 minutes on stage– but she gave God all of the glory and she relied on His power made perfect in her weakness. She said “I am not a speaker, I am an actor,” but let me tell you– this was the most real speech I have ever witnessed. She spoke of God and her new found life in Him in a way that I long to speak of… I found myself wondering what it would be like to fully give up my fears, struggles, past and what others thought of me to God and tell the world about it.
I found myself on stage, following Shari’s speech, speaking of my God in a way I hadn’t before. I found myself wondering and hoping that God will open doors for me to be real with people about my own life and my own struggles–and the God who I don’t have to measure up to, the God who takes me as I am. I, more often than not, stand before an audience speaking of the redemptive story of my birth mother, her abortion that took the life of my twin, my survival of the abortion, my life after the abortion and our reunion that gave me the opportunity to tell an amazing story about my God’s love, grace and truth through THAT part of my life….But now more than ever, I want to tell the world of the other parts of my life too- my reality, my failures, my struggles, my shortcomings, the parts of my life that are not “pretty” but that show the world how His power is made perfect in MY weakness…and how it can be the same for every single one of us, if we let Him work in our life and use us.
I have lived a lot of my life trying to impress people, trying to live up to expectations of my parents, family and friends, trying to NOT struggle…but the truth is; I am accepting that I am not perfect, that I am going to fail, that I am going to disappoint (not that I want to but God didn’t make me to hold it all together by myself) so that I can let God use me and work in my life according to His plan and His timing.
When you think about your life- Do you live your life trying to NOT struggle? Is it working?….If you’re like me, I assume your answer is NO…because God didn’t make us that way. He did, however, make us to live in relationship with Him- not so that we’re perfect- so that He can make himself known to the world as our God who can make our lives make sense when it seems like nothing is working out and everything is a mess. He works it all out.
This is my truth- this is what I’m working on- What’s your truth?
I am passionate about life & God in a down-to-earth & personal way.